btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
