My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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