we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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