Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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