Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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