I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
