I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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