captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
