Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
