I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
