His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
