She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
