I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
