Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
