We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
