You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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