OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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