Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
