I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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