Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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