I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
