that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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