i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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