I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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