Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need a beard to bite.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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