does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Everyone says I win the strip club
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
