She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
