Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
