I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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