Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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