the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
