saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize