I got chris browned last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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