I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
