how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
