dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
