I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
