So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
