Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My vagina just recognized that song.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
