i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
