Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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