the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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