Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
