Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
