how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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