Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
