Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
