well you can't waste a boner
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
