How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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