Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize