I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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