Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize