***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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