Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
