Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
