I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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