I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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