dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
