she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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