How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
