im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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