i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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