im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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