if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
