also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize